The Blocks to Veracity

For quite sometime, a friend H has told me that I was choosing to be nice more than choosing to tell the truth. Because of this, I would hardly argue with people as peace is important to me.

Recently, I was having a discussion with 2 friends and what started to be an innocent topic took a turn to where there was differing view. The mind was getting more and more frustrated during the process and there were thoughts of being unappreciated, victimised and also helpless. It was also a rare occasion that I stuck to my opinion. But as the discussion got on longer, there was as sense that we were all looking at the same topic but from different perspective. The interesting thing for me was that, I realised that at that moment, the mind was really interested in understanding the process rather than the content of what we were talking about. Suddenly the word Veracity popped up in the mind. What is veracity?
Well from a definition from the Egonomic book, "veracity is the habitual pursuit of and adherence to truth. It helps make the undiscussable discussable and closes the gap between what we think is going on and what's really gong on "

I was at a point really fascinated with what was happening and also why we are not seeing things from each other's point of view. Then when the realisation came to me that I was too busy holding on to my position, there was no way I could see their position. I had to laugh when the realisation came. It was like I could see the issues I have that held me in my position .... there were issues of wanting to be appreciated, approved, unworthiness and wanting to be right.

So, I was experiencing the whole discussion from the filters and also from my past experience. However, when I observed what was going on and I choose to put veracity as a priority...... it was much easier to see things in a more detached manner, resulting in more clarity.

Though at the end of the discussion, there was still discomfort over the emotions displayed... I could see that something has shifted in our relationship and it was for the better. It was like we are 3 individuals who feel safe enough to express ourselves because we know there is unconditional love. What we are seeking is just the truth. This in our common goal. There is no need to try and look good in front of each other.

Body Mind Connection

I was travelling with hubby yesterday and decided not to switch on the air conditioning of the car... why I did that ? At first it was an egoic game I wanted to play with him as to see who will feel hot first.

It was a very funny experiment as he is quite adaptable to heat and as for me, I'm less tolerant to heat. I could observe the ego actually wanted to see him switch on the the air con instead of me and if he did.... this means I win ..... In hind sight.... it was rather funny and I could see that he was wondering what I was up to when I asked him if he is ok every few minutes in my bid to influence him to feel hot

I realised that I could never understand how he tolerate or not tolerate heat and any other things in life.

Interestingly, half way through the journey, the mind switched to seeing itself instead of focusing on hubby....

When I was focusing on hubby.... I could feel that I'm getting warmer and warmer and this is because of the desire to be right and to influence him to feel hot. Strangely, when I just observe the heat in the body and not on winning.... I noticed that the body did not feel so hot and strangely, the body felt some coolness. I was wondering if there was a window opened but they were not. Its like when the mind holds on/wanted something and its not getting it, a lot of energy is expanded in trying to get it. But when the mind is relaxed, the body actually feel less agitated and not so warm.

New Beginnings

Recently a friend got a job offer and decided to return to the workforce after 2 years of not working. In our chats, she was experiencing mixed feelings regarding the change that is about to happen in her life.

I pondered that change does bring out a myriad of feelings and thoughts because what's ahead is unknown.... For many the unknown is fearful and its better to stick to status quo. I'm also one who likes status quo because in it there is a certain safety and surety...... but then again in safety and surety there is also fear that it would change and more work is put into ensuring that things stays the same.....I find this now rather funny because if something don't end then where is the new beginning? Imagine a person is in a nightmare and it does not end.... what a horror that would be.

I've come to a conclusion that change is going to happen anyway, I might as well learn to accept it..... again its easier said than done because of the judgements that I would have put into the changes that is happening . According to an article written by Christopher Moon, he mentioned that judgement is the glue that sticks us to the reality that we are in. Only in true acceptance and appreciation,we are able to deflate the energy around a situation we are experiencing and then we will be able to experience new realities. And thus giving us new beginnings. If not its the same old story going around and around again.

Another strange insight I gathered is that it takes wisdom for a person to recognise that a change is happening and also recognise all the myriads of feeling and thoughts that is accompanying the change. This recognition is what helps us not to be engulfed by the torrents of emotions and thoughts that will naturally happen when things change. If I'm engulfed in the emotions and thoughts.....then I'm in the thick of the action and definately in this state of mind, I'm no different from a boat without oars or rudder. My teacher has said to me several times that just being able to recognise is good enough..... I'm still learning to appreciate that its good enough to recognise things that is happening in the mind without wanting to fix it.

I think if I can see an ending of something in my life with grace (meaning with recognition, acceptance and appreciation), then I'm allowing myself to see new beginnings with grace too....... wouldn't that be beautiful ?