Tuesday, August 20, 2013
How true are we to ourselves ?? In this world, everyone of us wants to be loved and to belong. I was shocked to read in a recent book by Dr Brene Brown titled The Gifts of Imperfection, Love and Belonging are actually on the opposite continuum. Many a times, when we want to belong, we will do what it takes to ensure we are accepted by the friend/partner/ family/colleagues etc. We perceive that when we act, think, look, talk like what is deemed appropriate, then we will belong and be loved. However, many a times, we will have a dilemma where we know the way that is seen as "correct", so as we can fit in, is not something that feels right in our gut. So the question is do we go against the norm or follow the norm?. There are many instances in families, community, schools and workplace, that we will "sell out" so that we can belong and do not rock the boat. We easily sacrifice what is authentic within thinking that is not what is called for to be loved.
Recently, I was observing the mind, speech patterns and action and realised that many a times, I could not act or express authentically even to my own self. For example, I am feeling tired out and wanting to rest but when a phone call comes, I will proceed to chat and support the person eventhough what was real for me is to rest. I was afraid I would offend the other person. So when the person asked if I can chat ... I said YES when I could have said Not Now.
However, there is another component of being authentic and true that was highlighted to me by a friend. He said in the Buddha's teaching, there must be wisdom to know when to act and what is the appropriate way and time to express. I understood what he was getting at. So I realised that with awareness and wisdom, we can recognise what we need to be authentic about and how and when to express it is also important for the good of all.