Merry Christmas

Its been a while since I blogged. Just spent 4 weeks in a retreat out of Malaysia. I wondered this time would I miss home. Strangely the moment the next experience happen, I hardly think of home. I noticed that I think of home when conditions are less favorable that what I experience at home. Looks like the mind is constantly making comparison and judgement.

As I see more n more of daily scenes in the place that I went, I notice an acceptance or a settling in to see what the world I view then is the norm. I came to accept walking bare footed , people spitting betel nut juice in the road, walking around wt sarong and is norm.

When I touch down in LCCT n saw rain, the mind was so happy as it had not seen rain for 1 month.

What I know for this moment on Christmas Day is that I choose to give myself a present of being in the present moment. Merry Christmas !!!

When The Conditions Are Right

"Everything fell into place" so to speak when I was out with H. We were at an exhibition and made a pact to leave in an hrs time to go for another appointment. As we went round we found something that we were looking for and started to inquire more. After a while when I saw that time has run out and we are late for the next appointment, the thought started the ball rolling and mind started to get agitated as it really wish to move on. With this, the condition is now right for anger to arise and for accusations to fly if there was unconsciousness.

Because of the awareness that the conditions are already set so to speak, I walked ahead as i know it was just conditions working its and attacking H abt being tardy with time would not help matter. Because anger is running its show then, all I could do is to be aware of the show. Because of this lack of interference, the mind state could change to a calmer side quite fast with just residue of anger left.

Because there is residue and less vigilance, a new condition arised when another incident happen. In this incident, the disappointment with myself for making a decision earlier from fear of not getting something, from greed of wanting something and from not trusting myself but trusted others opinion, all this accummulated with me feeling unhappy and upset because I thought I mad a bad decision.

But when the mind saw again that a condition has arised and is doing its work, very quickly peace returned. I had to laugh because there was no wrong decision or mistake. The action taken fr the space of fear, greed and not trusting was exactly the perfect decision and no other decision could have happened. So what is left is not about correcting the situation for what's done is finished. All there is to do is to make a choice for the next moment.
With that freedom is again experienced.

Missing Permissions in Life

Last weekend I attended a workshop in Singapore that was specifically for identifying beliefs that I had unconsciously absorbed within 0-7 years of my life and because of this it has been like a default program that is running my life.

For most people, it would be something that they are not even conscious about because it is just taken as it is. For example, if a person gets sick more often than others, we would put it down that the person is weak and fragile and therefore easily get sick. So what the person will do is go and see the doctors, take supplements, exercise, stay in a more conducive area and etc..... It may seem with all the changes made, the person falls sicks less frequent but this does not mean that the person is not healthy. From the course, I learnt that the person can take all those action but the program that he has incorporated from 0-7 years old may be one that does not give him/her permission to be well.

So in other words, the signs of the person being sick frequently are just indicators for the person that there is a program inside that working against the person (so to speak), so until the person clear the program, he will constantly be having health issues.

The same is about phobias..... if a person has a phobia of water or insects, each time they are near water or the particular insect appears, they freak out or they avoid. In other words, there is a lot of emotion felt when the phobias situation arises. For some, they do not even know when the phobias started. Some said that it may be from past life but whatever it is .... it produces intense emotions. So, if the person has this phobia, their lives are limited so to speak whereby they may not go swimming, or be in the outdoors etc.

Being logical does not help because the program of the phobia is already running. What we can do is to clear the emotions around this. There are many ways to do it from Past Life Regression, EFT, Hypnosis, Timeline therapy etc.

However, I discovered that an important recognition tool that is needed is actually mindfulness because with mindfulness, we are aware of the signs and the non interference way of collecting information through mindfulness, allows us to see the reactions. For some, through, mindfulness, the phobias can also be cleared. The same I guess is with clearing defective programs in our lives. :) 

Tunnel Vision

I have been observing how often I have tunnel vision with regards to experiences in my life. This tunnel vision phenomena happens when I'm in a state of not conscious of myself or in another word... in automatic pilot. Tunnel vision also happen when there is not stepping back from an experience or emotion resulting in being stuck to the experience hence only old ways of reacting is happening. Tunnel vision also happen when the mind wish to be right or its being righteous hence its my way or the highway :)

I was out with SS for dinner a week ago and I was deep in thought as I was walking along a path to the shop. As the path normally has sales people selling titbits there, I normally just tell them NO. Though deep in thought, there is still an awareness of 2 women standing at the side holding something that looked like food. As we walked passed, they said " Would you like to support single mothers?" and immediately I said NO and continue on my journey. I was able to observe how the mind suddenly had a feeling of guilt for answering NO so quickly. When we sat down at the restaurant which was just a few doors away, I started to laugh and told how tunneled vision I was in the incident with the 2 ladies and how the mind jumped into conclusion that they were the same as previous experiences.

So, I checked that I would like to support the single mothers ..... ( well ... its based on an idea that they need help) but because there was no wisdom present at that moment, it could only be aware (that is why my teacher often mention that "awareness alone is not enough" ) hence old patterns continue to play up. This shows to me the mind will do its own stuff in its own way as if "I" am not there ...... so where is the "I" in all this ?


Interestingly, when there is mindful, the mind has clarity, is alert, is curious, is inquisitive, is in wonderment..... the possibility of tunnel vision is less likely to happen because the observer is constantly observing and checking the attitude and the ideas that are fuelling the actions, speech, thoughts and feeling.

Remaining Stuck to This Reality

If you take a close look at how velcro works, you will see tiny hooks on one side and strings on the other side. When the hooks catches on the string, they become stuck together. This example came to me while I was having a conversation with GG.

The fact that I believe this reality as REAL, I am  unconsciously hooking to all my experiences, thoughts, feelings, actions and ideas. The more hooked I am, the more I view this reality as the only reality that I will experience.

Hence, it is not hard to believe the world is a scary place for myself and I guess for many people. However, I notice, if there is an acceptance that the ego likes to hook on so that it can perpetuate this reality, there is actually a form of stability created in the mind to just watch it as the nature of ego. This will in a way, slowly and surely has an unhooking effect. Though I still experience the thoughts, feeling, action and experiences as real but the wisdom kicks in with appropriate questions that helps me to unhook. A new question that recently popped up in my space that helped me not to be so identified with this reality is  "How is this incident/experience perpetuating the hold on this reality? " Answering this question has been fun.

An incident that happened recently where I had not had enough sleep and had to be up early to fetch my mom. Due to the tiredness, I started to act snappy towards her and see wrongness in the way she does some things. Though there is awareness of the anger but because the attitude is not right...... hence the desire to be snappy continued. After snapping several times I decided to keep my mouth shut. When I asked the question, normality returned to my space but when the mind goes back to the wrong idea, it goes back to wanting to be snappy. So I told my mom, pls ignore me for awhile as anger is rearing its head now and I went out to take a walk to pay some bills at the post office. As I walked there I asked the question again and then allow it to be. By the time I got home, clarity/sanity has returned. 

Some of the hardest ideas to unhook are those that are deep seated and has a lot of righteousness invested in it. These are super velcro ideas that may take a lot of gentleness and also patience for understanding to arise.

Ideas, Ideas, Ideas

My nieces came over to stay with me for the last two nights as they expressed that they would like to spend time with me during this school holidays. I notice that I started to give them conditions to their stay.... must make their bed, remember to switch off the lights and fan when not in the room, blah blah blah....

When I check the mind, it was because I wanted to experience them in my own way....I wanted to have a tidy house, I wanted to save electricity etc ... all these wanting is not allowing me to experience them for who they are maybe because I am scared I may not be able to accept behaviours that are out of my boundary of tolerance. So when not conscious of these ideas, I was criticism them about not switching off the lights etc. But when I was aware, I will still ask them to switch off the light but its done in a gentle way and not in a reprimanding way.

It is very true we do things based on our ideas and intentions. I was making pizza dough today and after it was done, I placed it to rest for 30 mins and it doubled in size. I could see the mind was very happy. When my niece wanted to help, she immediately took the dough out and flatten it...... The first thought that came in the mind was "Oh No... there goes the dough" ... of course I told her she should not have done that and immediately she retreated back to the living room to read her book. Again, it was based on an expectation that the dough should be of certain way that I got upset.... When I related this to her, she was relating to me that was exactly what happened when I cut some embroidery string for her a different way from what I did earlier. She told me that she was upset because of her expectation. Of course, she could not see it when the incident happen but when we were talking about it later, she could relate the example to me.

So, I can really screw myself up with I am not aware which idea is operating currently.

Giving & Receiving

I was with my study group and we were talking about the first chapter of the book Non Violent Communication. One of the activity was to share an incident where we were giving from the heart and how we felt and vice versa when we did not give from the heart and how we felt.

As everyone started to share their story, I was seeing that in instances that they genuinely give from their heart, they feel very nice and I could see it on their face. However, if they give or did not give after some thought, there seemed to be a different look on their faces. I find it facinating.

One thing i found interesting in each of us seem to have the mentality that we can give to those that is seen to have less than us but we cannot receive from those who we perceive have lesser than us. For example, its ok for us to give to a beggar but its not ok for a beggar to give to me because it would be deemed not right.

Another interesting thing I realised that a lot of times the giving is thwarted because of a thought that came in after the intention to give. In a way we thwart our own compassion with logical thinking

A thing that struck me very clearly last night was that each moment is different. For instance, when a person wants to give something to us, we can make the giving complete by receiving but because of a logical thought, we stop the receiving from our end and the giving is not complete.

So there is a need for wisdom too in the giving and receiving. A giving that is sincere, is felt by the giver and the giver wants nothing in returned from the giving except the receiving. If the receiver is in doubt they can always be open by asking the giver their intention. The problem is that, we never ask, we make up some stories in our mind and act according to the story. If the story is about us being indebted to the person or its not right to receive from someone deemed having less than us, we shut off the receiving quickly to protect ourselves.

Same goes with receiving. We can receive from the heart and know nothing is expected in return or we can receive from the space of doubt and suspicion. Either way, only we will experience it.

I came to an interesting personal conclusion is that what is actually important was how the mind is relating to the cycle of giving and receiving. Meaning here is that what is the idea that is present in the giving and receiving. Is it coming from wisdom or ignorance

Self Deception

Recently, I was observing an interesting phenomena in myself after it was brought to my attention while in a conversation with someone.

I've noticed how I layer ideas upon ideas to guide me in operating in this world and because of this layering, I seem to have an idea to run everything.
For instance, if i have the idea that "others needs are more important than mine" or "to be a nice person, I must give in" or If I don't get what I want, its just my destiny."  or " wanting things is wrong or its selfish" , I will take action and speak according to these ideas.

With these thought, if I were going shopping with a friend and both of us like the same item, I would most likely not to express my like for the item when my friend has expressed her like because it would seem that I'm not nice and to make myself feel better I would layer another idea on top of the first idea like "its only a material good, its not permanent" . This will seem to put the mind to rest but am I really ok ?

From my observation, its not ok because I have shut out the possibility of seeing how the mind relates to all the wanting or desiring and to learn about the nature of it. By putting ideas as Band-Aid, I shut the case up very quickly and this disallow me from learning more about the mind. In another words, I'm not learning, I'm just fixing things so that I can maintain my seemingly peace of mind. In other words, no wisdom is grown. What is grown is just tolerance. If there were no big issues, I could well operate my whole life like this.

Having the ideas are not wrong. The ideas are what I call first level information for us to train our mind with some information for us to ponder and use our intelligence to apply it but as we progress in our practice, we must also look into this information to see how its operating in our system to learn from it. Unfortunately, we take the information given as the ultimate truth and regurgitate it in the situations that we experience. We are not learning to observe the relationship we are having in the mind with regards to the information.

As the Buddha said, we need to let go of the raft once we are at the opposite shore. Hanging on to the raft just hinders our progress.


  

Unnecessary Suffering

I came back from helping out and also participating in a 4 days retreat over the weekend till Tuesday. One of the thing that was discussed was the work of Byron Katie and on the 3 kinds of business. My business, your business and God's business. I was reflecting that when we are in our own business, there is less suffering and I had the opportunity to see then while having a conversation with a loved one. I'm sharing my take on her experience because it makes me see myself.

She was sharing with me how inconsiderate her MIL was to ask husband to fetch them back to hometown after arriving late from a holiday. And they had to take her car as his car had a flat tyre leaving her to take care of the flat tyre the next day before she goes to work. I could hear the pain and accusation she is in as she could not understand their action. It struck me there and then that she was in their business and also there was no acceptance that it was their nature to be like that because that is the behaviour they were displaying. Its just that their nature is not her nature.

I reflected how often I do not accept nor see other people's for their nature because its different from mine. Because of this I suffer ONE time. In my mind I want them to be different to fit my view of how people should be. This becomes my SECOND suffering. And I try to change them to fit my view by persuading, threatening, etc. This makes up my THIRD suffering. Isn't it wonderful how I wallow in suffering and blame others for it.  Because of this focus to change others, the mind is totally closed.

I shared with my loved one that if she accepted their nature, she will have more peace and if she can see that she has a choice to also  leave the punctured tyre car for her husband to come back to repair, she could easily have asked for a ride from a colleague or take a taxi to work saving her all the suffering. So, my learning from here is that we cannot see any strategies if we are totally embroiled in our suffering. In the end, our relationship with our spouse would be affected and if we do not come back to our own business, our relationships suffers because we carry the anger and resentment forward.

So, its true that suffering is optional !

Life Purpose

I have always wondered what is my life purpose. From young I thought life purpose is to be happy and with that I need to get a good education, be financially secure, have a family, insurance and a good retirement plan. As I embark on the spiritual journey, I realised that all the above that I use to guarantee a happy life is not IT. Looks like I've bark at the wrong tree.

Recently, I was re-aquainted with the practice of H'oponopono and it has brought out the fact that everything that comes into my space is my responsibility. And my responsibility is to clear the data or misperceptions that I have about things.

TL sent an email to me this morning and one paragraph of his email really hit the nail on the head when he said that "the only meaningful purpose of life is to clear all the garbage,baggage of memories that makes me come back again and again" And all we want is to return "HOME"

Coincidentally,while driving with my mom in the car today, I expresses that each person in life or a day can choose to do nothing, do something good or from wisdom or do something from ignorance. Whatever we choose, the moment or day or life will still be happening. But when we choose to do something from wisdom, which is in this case to clear the garbage, we allow nature or the divine to guide us. In a way, in my understanding, when I clear,  "I" get out of the way and let nature run its own course.

But we do not do that because of fear of the unknown, so we spend a lot of our time at work, or with family or doing what we think is the ultimate. I do not believe it is now because though we have work, family etc, they are actually mirrors for us to see what we need to clear. For example, I cannot want a happy family because wanting something is not going to get me what I want, I need to work on the cause..... meaning that I have to clear all the data or misperception and then when its clear, things will flow. So its not about getting something or going anywhere, its about clearing and all will come into play.

What a paradox of life. I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you , I love you.

Uncontrollable Hearing

I was having breakfast with mom today at a coffee shop and fortunately or unfortunately we were sitting next to a table of 3 taxi drivers having their teatime. I could not help it but to hear their conversation which was abt SEX and their encounters with women in the flesh trade. I was watching the mind n was aware of a mix of emotions like awe, tickled and shocked that saw the judgement that people was not suppose discuss such stuff in a public place.

So at a point the mind was relating go it with dislike. Once I saw that, I posed a question to the mind, " is it necessary?" and the attitude immediately changed.
The interesting realization is that I cannot control the sound that comes and it's just my perception that makes it unpleasant. Hearing is just hearing n peace returns.

My mom made a remark that we should not have sat near then and the taxi drives are disgusting people. I reflected on that and you know what, they are just being their own nature and they did not ask our opinion on their conduct. So who is disturbing who ? The answer? It's just the mind doing what it does.

In the end of the day it's just nature happening .

Shining Light on Suffering

For quite sometime I have been observing the repetitiveness of life where a person has to wake up, eat, work, sleep, pass motion etc. I remember commenting to SS that what would it be like if we do not have to eat? I think a lot of the world's problems will be solved. I could see that in a way all that we do daily is in the service of sustaining this body of ours. I felt trap in this cycle thinking of the meaningless of all this. I know that I can enjoy good food and different type of food but the crux is still that the eating has to happen to sustain this body or else it will die.

At the same time, there is a constant living in a state of stress where we are upset when we don't get what we want or when we are in pain or the constant wanting of thing to be the way we want it to be. Basically, every uncertainty triggers a barrage of feelings and fear. 

In a way, life feels like a prison but I have learnt to decorate my prison to make it look less like a prison by buying stuff, by eating different type of food, by going on holidays, by playing safe etc. But whatever I am doing or wherever I am, I still have to eat, sleep, pass motion and feel
.
Recently learnt that there are Dukkha of Feeling, Doing and Being. Strangely, when I see life as meaningless, I am reacting in anger. If I keep looking for something new in my life, I'm actually operating from Greed. And if I view that life is actually like this, its good and no need to change then I am deluded. So, in a way, I'm constantly in Dukkha. Is there a way out ? If there is, I have not found it yet because I'm still embroiled in the feelings and the drama of life.

From a sharing by TL & LF,  there is a way out and its through Wisdom. So, now there is an urgency for me to continuously be aware, to step back from what is happening, to collect data so to speak until wisdom is able to see the futility of the cycle and see the way out.  Its like the situation where we would not hold on to a hot potato once we know its hot, we would drop it. If we are ignorant, we will hold on to the hot potato though its burning our hands but with wisdom, we would drop the hot potato because its not beneficial for our life. I look forward to dropping the hot potato :)

Mindful .... Really ?

I was so sure I was mindful
Am I or am I not ?
How can I say I'm mindful
when experience is where I'm at
I've missed the mark totally

Ignorance or Wisdom ?
Which is powering my live now?
Such a thin line to differentiate both
But differentiated it must be
For from wisdom comes clarity
From ignorance comes more ignorance

Step back.. step back
All that is needed is to step back to see
Nature is Nature
When I argue with it I lose
When I see it as it is then
wisdom has done its job
Is it "I" who did the job ?
If I believe "I" did the job
Woe begone Ignorance has paid a visit

Stepping back is actually stepping forward
How can that be ?
Truly it is
Isn't life a paradox ?

The Power of Wanting

Recently I was experiencing wanting something so badly that all I could think about was "how am I going to get it?" "why I cannot get it"?" "poor me in not having it yet", "how come he is denying me of what I want?", "I don't deserve not getting it" and on and on and on the thoughts went.

It was pretty interesting because as I observed the train of thoughts, there was more and more anger arising and its aimed at the person who I perceived as blocking my way in getting what I wanted. On the other side of the pendulum swing, there was a feeling that I was a victim of someone's selfishness. Either way, I could see that the force of the wanting was so strong that it caused some insomnia, some acting up, some uncalled for actions and speech towards others.

The whole episode of watching was for me to see how when I buy into a certain thought pattern, in this case wanting something so much, the mind kind of go into an addictive state until there is not rationality in it. The mind seem to perceive that since others have it, so I must have it too, to fulfill the belief I have that by having that thing, I would have done something correct. ..... and as I observed further, I could see that I do not care if I really, really needed it or not, it was more that I wanted to be approved.

The force of the wanting was so big it was all consuming but with a little light of clarity, from the observing mind that were at times not contaminated with the wrong attitude, the mind could see how deluded it was.

Its like a story that LF told me a long time ago about a person spotting a nice dress while window shopping and the mind could not stop thinking about the dress and the next set of actions was to ask others opinion on buying the dress. At the same time, there is worry that the dress would be bought by others together with the guilty thoughts of spending so much money on a dress. At the end the person bought the dress.... but was it bought from the energy of love and joy ??, Nope!!! .... it was bought from the energy of fear and worry. In a way, it was a case where the person cannot stand being in the state of fear and worry. Because of the dislike to those feelings and wanting to end the suffering, the person buys the dress.

If we can do that over a material things, what more over non material things like respect, love, approval etc.
What I know from the experience is that the feeling that is felt when consumed with wanting, it not a comfortable one.
 
For now, I finally understand what my teacher said, " We never get what we want". We never get what we want by the fact that we want, actually, what we get its the conditioning which is cause and effect.
Because the mind has been trained in the past that by wanting something, we will get it..... it goes into that mode of wanting which is an unproductive mode.

Quick Fixes

I was having a conversation with LF today and in the midst of the conversation, she mentioned that people like to have their problems fixed. I could not agree more. This is why people to and see Doctors, Therapist, Healers, friends etc. We all want the unpleasant feeling we experience when we have problems, to go away so that we can experience happy or pleasant feelings. I have wondered many a times on how wonderful life would be if I could just wave a magic wand and makes all the experiences I don't enjoy disappear ..... but ...... that is just wishful thinking.

I came to an insight that actually the experiences that I label as unpleasant are precisely those that are meant to heighten my awareness and grow wisdom. If life was hunkydory all the time, where is the opportunity for met to be aware and to crank up the curiosity to observe all that is going on in the body mind? So I conclude that experiences are meant to elicit feelings and thoughts that will either lead us to greater understanding of our mind patterns or lead us down the path of self judgement and doubt. One path leads to wisdom and the other to being stuck.

So, I may wish to crawl into bed and have the blanket over me when problems come a calling but it seem that this path is no longer a long term solution for me as the more I'm on this spiritual journey, the more I'm seeing the surrealness of things and events when the mind steps back from an experience to see what's happening within and not to be fixated by external drama.

Though sometimes I feel inadequate to handle all the experiences but I count my blessings that I have good friends who render support when the mind is unwilling and the spirit is low. Strangely, though the ego still wants quick fixes but whatever little wisdom that is here knows differently. The journey continues 

Accept or Suffer

Last week my whole family went on a road trip n at the end of the trip, my nephew n mom started to be sick. I thought it was a small matter but after a few hours on arrival at home I also started to vomit n have diarrhea. For 2 days plus I felt very weak n could not eat much.

Throughout the experience, the mind was aware of the discomfort experienced, the judgements and the wanting to be well. With acceptance that currently that was the experience being experienced, there was no fighting n what was experienced was a body that could rest easily. I notice there was no tension even though I had to wake up to go to the toilet.

I notice that in one occasion when the stomach was bloated throughout the night n the mind was experiencing a dislike to the sensations. This time, the mind bought into the thoughts and feeling and what the body experience was difficulty in relaxing and rest did not come easily though the body was tired. What a difference when there is acceptance n when there isn't.

In a way when we empathize with what's happening within, the energy that is around the experience can sort of just dissipate on it's own. In short, how long we suffer bodily n in the mind is dependent on the level of acceptance.

Spiritual Journey

Today I was at CnC participating in 2 events. The first one was the Conscious Living and Conscious Loving Roundtable and the second was a forum where I was the moderator for 4 persons sharing on their spiritual journey.

The first session is for those who had certain issue that they would like to resolve and were looking for some clarity. The second session was a sharing to allow people to learn from each other.

I realised that in the midst of both the sessions, it would seem that everyone had an issue and though it looked very diversed, a clear thing I could see is that it was all effects of a cause which at that moment the person is unable to identify. TL put it very nicely, if a person were able to be aware and identify the cause, they would no longer be affected by the patterns. So, it was clear that being aware is one part of the spiritual journey.

The other parts is about being patient with self as the exploration of self takes place using the tools that each has learnt. What was clear was that its was natural for each person to customise a certain tool for their own clarity and understanding.

Whatever the tool used, it was clear that the speakers all experience some changes as they walk their path. A very clear change was that they were no longer so attached to things and people. They feel lighter and freer, more accepting of things and there is also a sense of steadiness in maneuvering life's daily challenges. Of course, their self love increases the more they look within instead of without. The speakers were all in consensus that there is a need for honesty and integrity towards themselves about their own journey so that there is acceptance and willingness to see through whatever ugly stuff that comes up.

I thought it was great that there was no fixed method to walking the spiritual journey, each person must have the freedom to discover the method or tools that will work for them. And when the time is right, it also means time to let the tool go.

Live in The Present Moment

I was doing a new training session with SN last weekend. I asked the participants to list down the life they wish to experience physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.

The answers that were given were that they wish to experience health, peace of mind, clarity, joy, energy, free from disease just to name a few.

When I mentioned to them that they can experience all that now, they were so skeptical.... it was hard for them to believe. I can see why because there is a belief that things cannot be so easy. What if at the basic level, things are indeed just that easy :)

I realised that they may not understand what I was saying. I wanted to tell them that in the Present Moment, they have and can make choices. There is no choice in the past because the past is over and there is no choice yet in the future because its not here. What we have in just the present moment and if we are hooked onto the past or future, we are not HERE, not PRESENT to what we are experience, so where is the choice? If we are not present to what we are experiencing, whatever we are experiencing are seen in the light of a past perception.

I mentioned that for example, if a person was sitting for a long time at the computer and if he is unaware, he will do it for hours and this would be his pattern to sit. This may eventually lead to bad posture and back ache. However, if he is aware that his posture is not correct, he can at the moment of awareness just stretch, breath and readjust his posture.... However, it may be within 5 seconds he goes back to the old posture if he is again unaware.  What I was getting at was that .... at the moment that he is aware, he is actually experiencing correct posture which leads to good health........ all he has to do is continuously be aware of himself and each moment of awareness brings about correct posture which eventually lead to him feeling more healthy because he no longer practice the old way of sitting. I was reading the newspaper just now about a story of a man in China who died after sitting in front of a computer for 3 days, hardly moving or eating or drinking because he is so hooked to online gambling. So, this proofs that being unaware can lead to death

SN mentioned that while we know its true, its quite hard for those who are suffering from debilitating illness to see this because they are constantly in pain. I do not have an answer to that question so far.

What I know is that if I was constantly aware of what going on in the mind and body, I have a better chance of understanding it compared to being unaware.

What is Success?

"What Is Success"

                by Ralph Waldo Emerson

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.

Weather n Mood

Its been raining for two days and at first it was quite pleasant but I noticed as the rain continued and the sky is downcast, I started 2 notice a feeling of uneasines creeping in. Why?
Naturally as humans we r affected by our environment and the funny thing is that we are never satisfied....we can only be comfortable only 2 a certain extend and if the weather become colder or hotter or more wet or more dry than we expect, the mind starts 2 complain.
I pondered if I can't accept what is with regards to the weather which is just nature at work.... How easy would I accept other experiences as it is?

In my drive to Melaka just now I was just observing how the mind was having the same nature like how I perceived the weather. I perceived the weather as gloomy n I don't like it and the mental state started to be gloomy too....after wallowing in it unconsciously for a bit, some wisdom kicked in or maybe holy spirit was present , a question popped in the mind "see things as it is" and suddenly its like the veil of gloom lifted. Interesting experience. 

Nuggets of Wisdom from Retreat : Action without/with Wisdom

There was an interesting incident while I was in the retreat where I observed that there is a tendency for everyone to just follow the actions of others without really questioning it because the mind is not alert enough to question the wholesomeness of the action. Its like the saying " Monkey see, monkey do". This comment is not to degrade anyone because I noticed that it applies very much to how I just follow others without questioning too.

The incident that popped this insight is when I observed that there were some people following the teacher around on his alms round in the village. While the teacher was receiving the alms from the villagers, some of those following were giving out sweets or biscuits or corn to the village children. I can see that the giving can come from the perspective that these villagers do not have much and they should be helped. On the surface level, it seemed all innocent and perfectly compassionate because its a good deed. I do question in the mind on "What could be wrong with this action?". I did not see the other side of the situation until it was pointed out to me that the people in the village comes out to give alms to the teacher when he goes round their village out of their faith in the teachings.

But when we follow and give to the children food constantly without the permission of their parents, it seems that we are teaching the children that when they see foreigners, there is expectation of receiving some form of goodies from them. Hence their attention is no longer in the alms round but on the expectation of goodies.

From this, I pondered deeply that there are many occasions that I do things because "I" think its correct and wholesome in my perspective and not even bothered to question or look on a wider perpective. Sometimes, I know this is because the wisdom in the mind is not present and also because there is not enough information or just too driven by the desire to do good.

From here, I realised that its important for me to know my intention when I wish to do a good deed and see if the intention is from wisdom or ignorance.

Nuggets of Wisdom from Retreat : Experience is just Experience

I have always put a lot of attention on an experience I am experiencing seeing that as the most important thing in the world at the moment for me.

However, in this recent retreat there is a shift in understanding that actually experience should be treated as just an experience, there is no need to personalise the experience to oneself. I remembered I've read or heard something that Byron Katie said that if a person were to hit her, its over. However, because of thinking in the mind, we hit ourself over and over again though the actual hit was just once. This is because we give so much priority to the experience, be it good or bad and hardly give attention to the workings of the mind who experiences the experience .

Just with this foundational information to see all experiences as just experiences, which the teacher mentioned that we have to constantly remind ourself of it, there was a loosening of the grip towards overly identifying with an experience.There was an incident that I had a conversation with a fellow yogi and she was making nice comments and being very grateful for my help in translating her needs to the office people as she did not speak English. I observed that there was feelings of happiness listening to the comments. Normally, the mind would hold on to this nice feelings and play the comments over in the mind in later time. This time after saying good bye to the yogi, I turned to walk to where I wish to go and I observed that the mind was not thinking of the incident and all I could sense was a residue of the happy feeling. It was truly experiencing the experience as just an experience. And once its over its over. It was quite interesting because the mind was stable and clear and knows that there is no need to hold on to the incident and that it was over. This is truly wisdom at work.

Nuggets of Wisdom from Retreat : Judgement and feelings

I was away for a retreat for the whole month of December 2010. This is the longest retreat so far I allowed myself to experience. At first the days seemed to passed slowly but in a blink of an eye, one month had passed and I'm back home again.

I realise I came away from this retreat with a lot of learning experiences. In this retreat, it was very clear that when an experience happens, there will be feeling and thoughts of like and dislike. Normally, there is a tendency to get carried away with the like or dislike. And this makes them grow into more desire or more aversion.

As I was meditating, there was an awareness the each time something happens and a dislike takes place, it was easy to get carried away if a person awareness is weak. But if the awareness is strong coupled with the right attitude in observing  what is happening, the feeling of like and dislike did not seemed to grow, in fact, there is a tendency of it not staying very long. This result in a more balance view. Every time there is a judgement or strong feeling, I would turn the attention inwards to be aware of the feelings and thoughts. I find that sometimes, just the mere act of accepting that something unpleasant or pleasant has happened, the mind do not stick to the experience so much.

I have always dislike being bitten by mosquitoes when meditating. So each time the sound of the mosquito buzzing around, there was anxiety and irritation and of course the thought was " please don't come near".
I must admit that I took a swipe at a few mosquitoes in anger and secretly, there was a feeling of happiness, if they got whacked. However, one day I changed tactic, when I hear a mosquito buzzing around, immediate, the radar was turned inwards to be aware of the feelings ans thoughts....... the mosquito then landed on the arm and started to have its meal. Though out the whole experience, the awareness was on the feeling and thought. In about 1 minute, the mosquito flew off and I just dab the bitten area with some saliva and continued to meditate. Strangely, there was no itchiness from the bitten spot and very soon the whole experience was forgotten.

So, the mere practice of acknowleging the feeling and thoughts, I was more relaxed during the sitting meditation and was not bother with the mosquitoes and insects . I also practiced this with unexplained sensation that the body sometimes experiences. This practice, helps me not to get too carried away by the feelings and judgement/thoughts.