I always pondered on why as I got older, though I may said that I like to grow spiritually but there is at the back of the mind, that wants the growth to be easy so as I do not have to deal with so much pain. In fact, I would like to have answers given to me so that I need not bang my head against the wall so much. Another very strong desire is to have someone "rescue" me and make everything right for me. Its sort of like taking the express lane to enlightenment.
However, I realised that growing in wisdom is not always an easy road to walk : ). Sometimes its like taking 2 steps forward and 10 steps backwards..... Sometimes I feel like I've grown a lot spiritually.... and sometimes I feel like I've not moved at all ..... sometimes its like I'm back to square one and moving backwards.
One thing I know is that growing in any area of life requires some challenges. If there was no challenges, we would not be able to stretch our boundaries or to see what we are capable or not capable of.
Interestingly, as a baby, we are hardly afraid to grow... if we fell down when learning to walk.... we did not say, its too hard, I'll just sit here.... we just get up and try again. During this growing process, even when we fall and if it hurts, we cry but there are many times, that we just laugh when we are able to stand a second longer etc.
Recently after a dramatic sharing with SS about how I'm not handling life well and whatever growth I think I have achieve has all came to a "ZERO", In the midst of the dramatic sharing, I could see a soft and gentle mind also present with the anguish mind. Strangely, just being able to recognised the presences of the soft and gentle mind, it was enough to put an end to the drama and to be awakened again to the fact that the spiritual journey is not a 100m dash but a marathon. And of course... wherever I am, there I am. So I guess, I am growing if the drama of life can be seen for what it is quickly and not takes days to regain consciousness again. For that I'm grateful for I can the boundaries expanding.
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