Being Communicative

Recently I made an interesting observation while watching 2 person communicating with each other. We humans communicate all the time either verbally or non verbally. Because of the meaning we put into the word and action, we will respond accordingly. Interestingly, while we think we are communicating with another person, in reality, we are only communicating with ourselves.

This is because we interpret whatever the person is saying or doing through our own paradigm/filters/perception. If so happen that the perception of both parties seemed the same, then the communication is then has an agreeable outcome in the eyes and ears of both parties.

However, if what the person says is seen as disagreeable to our perception of how things should be, then an unpleasant situation will occur. So, if we never took the time to investigate what is triggering us and hence start to see the perception we hold, then we would constantly be reacting to the triggers and blaming the other person. We would hold on to our view that the other person is a monster, uncaring, stupid, moron, etc. The normal tendency is to give up in communicating with the other person all together. And if we do still need to communicate with the other person, the communication will carry the energy that the person feels for the other person. The result is even more mis-communication.

I realised that is just so so so easy to stay in our perceptions because it makes us right but it does not give us peace. Like Byron Katie says "Would you rather be right or be free?". Most of us in moment of non conflict will say that we choose to be free but when a conflict happens and if we were unconscious, we would choose to be right.

Making to choice to be right, automatically puts us in a reactive mode as well and gives us tunnel vision. I've seen how a relative choose to be right in his communication and each time he ended up feeling angry, victimised, misunderstood and blames the other person for being stubborn, unkind etc. What a painful way to live life. 

I wonder is the satisfaction of being right so great that it totally obliterate the possibility of seeing a situation or person in another light.... and hence a way out from pain ?