Wisdom Arises Through Understanding

Monday, January 3, 2011

Nuggets of Wisdom from Retreat : Judgement and feelings

I was away for a retreat for the whole month of December 2010. This is the longest retreat so far I allowed myself to experience. At first the days seemed to passed slowly but in a blink of an eye, one month had passed and I'm back home again.

I realise I came away from this retreat with a lot of learning experiences. In this retreat, it was very clear that when an experience happens, there will be feeling and thoughts of like and dislike. Normally, there is a tendency to get carried away with the like or dislike. And this makes them grow into more desire or more aversion.

As I was meditating, there was an awareness the each time something happens and a dislike takes place, it was easy to get carried away if a person awareness is weak. But if the awareness is strong coupled with the right attitude in observing  what is happening, the feeling of like and dislike did not seemed to grow, in fact, there is a tendency of it not staying very long. This result in a more balance view. Every time there is a judgement or strong feeling, I would turn the attention inwards to be aware of the feelings and thoughts. I find that sometimes, just the mere act of accepting that something unpleasant or pleasant has happened, the mind do not stick to the experience so much.

I have always dislike being bitten by mosquitoes when meditating. So each time the sound of the mosquito buzzing around, there was anxiety and irritation and of course the thought was " please don't come near".
I must admit that I took a swipe at a few mosquitoes in anger and secretly, there was a feeling of happiness, if they got whacked. However, one day I changed tactic, when I hear a mosquito buzzing around, immediate, the radar was turned inwards to be aware of the feelings ans thoughts....... the mosquito then landed on the arm and started to have its meal. Though out the whole experience, the awareness was on the feeling and thought. In about 1 minute, the mosquito flew off and I just dab the bitten area with some saliva and continued to meditate. Strangely, there was no itchiness from the bitten spot and very soon the whole experience was forgotten.

So, the mere practice of acknowleging the feeling and thoughts, I was more relaxed during the sitting meditation and was not bother with the mosquitoes and insects . I also practiced this with unexplained sensation that the body sometimes experiences. This practice, helps me not to get too carried away by the feelings and judgement/thoughts.

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