Unnecessary Suffering

I came back from helping out and also participating in a 4 days retreat over the weekend till Tuesday. One of the thing that was discussed was the work of Byron Katie and on the 3 kinds of business. My business, your business and God's business. I was reflecting that when we are in our own business, there is less suffering and I had the opportunity to see then while having a conversation with a loved one. I'm sharing my take on her experience because it makes me see myself.

She was sharing with me how inconsiderate her MIL was to ask husband to fetch them back to hometown after arriving late from a holiday. And they had to take her car as his car had a flat tyre leaving her to take care of the flat tyre the next day before she goes to work. I could hear the pain and accusation she is in as she could not understand their action. It struck me there and then that she was in their business and also there was no acceptance that it was their nature to be like that because that is the behaviour they were displaying. Its just that their nature is not her nature.

I reflected how often I do not accept nor see other people's for their nature because its different from mine. Because of this I suffer ONE time. In my mind I want them to be different to fit my view of how people should be. This becomes my SECOND suffering. And I try to change them to fit my view by persuading, threatening, etc. This makes up my THIRD suffering. Isn't it wonderful how I wallow in suffering and blame others for it.  Because of this focus to change others, the mind is totally closed.

I shared with my loved one that if she accepted their nature, she will have more peace and if she can see that she has a choice to also  leave the punctured tyre car for her husband to come back to repair, she could easily have asked for a ride from a colleague or take a taxi to work saving her all the suffering. So, my learning from here is that we cannot see any strategies if we are totally embroiled in our suffering. In the end, our relationship with our spouse would be affected and if we do not come back to our own business, our relationships suffers because we carry the anger and resentment forward.

So, its true that suffering is optional !