I am in Port Dickson for the past 4.5 days teaching a program for a group of government servant.
It has been a long time since I am away on my own on a training assignment.....I wondered if I would be bored and feel lonely when I took up the assignment.
Strangely when I arrived at the venue, I found out that the WiFi system here is not working and also it was difficult for me to get a clear line for my mobile phone..... The first feelings that came up was frustration because I wanted to stay connected. I started to question investigate my thought as to why I was so hard up to have connection........Strangely the thought that came was that I wanted to avoid feeling lonely. I asked myself, which was it that I am uncomfortable with.... feeling lonely or being alone ?
I noticed that I did several things because I believed that I did not want to be alone or lonely. I tried to persuade get my husband to come stay with me for one of the nights and I asked my friend also when my husband turned me down. I looked for a place to put my phone in the room so that I could get signal for my handphone. Got a bit pissed off when the signal is unstable. I switched on the TV to have sound even when I'm in the bathroom.
This happened for the first 2 days.... Later I started to observe that I was feeling quite relaxed with my own company..... I took time to do what I wanted to do, I walked on the beach, enjoyed the evening sea breeze, had slow and enjoyable dinner with the participants, explored the resort a bit...... In fact.... the experience was that being alone is interesting and not a lonely experience. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. The feeling of being lonely has a form craving for companionship and wanting to be validated by another person. The feeling of being alone has a sense of freedom and the mind is very interested in how the body and mind is interacting with what is happening in and around them. Its quite an interesting experience. Something I do not experience a lot because normally there is people around me.