When we mind our own business we are taking care of ourselves and this gives others the chance to take care of themselves.
When we mind other's business.... we are over extending ourselves and this increases our own burden and we are not doing the other person any favours because we deprived the person the opportunity to learn
Its been a lifelong training that I have to support others and if I said NO to a request, I always felt guilty because it would seem that I'm selfish. Lately, I have the realisation that people can make request for me to mind their business but its up to me to decide whether I would like to say Yes or No. I realised that if I agreed to something without first checking with myself, I'm not honouring my ownself. Then I'll end up performing the request begrudgingly.... which in the end result, takes more time to complete and its completed without joy.
I realised that when I mind my own business meaning that I check with myself, I am able to make clearer decisions and when I chose to extend help/support others..... it comes from a genuine space. Some people has said that minding my own business is such a selfish act. Now I am of the perspective that I have to be selfish wisely so as not to overextend myself. A friend has mentioned to me that we seem to see "selfish" as not good but we need to learn to be "selfish" in a wise way.... I think now... I agree with this statement. Having the component of wisdom in our actions will ensure that there is a balance in the way we live and complete tasks in our daily life. We can be selfish in an unselfish way !!!!
To add support to your entry, which is merely kepoh-ness from by side ;D -
ReplyDeleteWhen we take care of ourselves, we are allowing others to do the same. For those who do not know how to, they will learn how to; for those who already know how to, it is then a reminder to them. By this, we are already constantly loving them without having to dishonour ourselves.
This, is Sacred Selfishness.
Btw, who is counting except ourselves? *winks*
I love this post- thank you! Byron Katie also advocates the wisdom of staying in our business rather than trying to control others. Sometimes when I try to "help" others it turns out to be a disguised form of selfishness...I may have a hidden agenda of wanting to feel like I am a good person for helping, so I am really acting for myself out of a selfish agenda. Or maybe I "help" the other person because I don't want to feel guilty- as you point out- and then my motive is to get rid of my own uncomfortable feeling of guilt- which is basically a selfish wanting for myself to feel better.
ReplyDeleteIt's great to check my own internal motivation and then to act from a deeper place of integrity and love. Thank you so much for this insightful and honest post.
Thank you. I find it's still a balancing act to be in my own business.It takes wisdom to see our own motives for "helping others" :).Sometimes when wisdom do not "appear".....intelligence will have to do the work :D
ReplyDelete