Learning from Trees

I was at my mother in law's place over the CNY. Had the luxury of waking up late and the weather in the morning was so lovely. Cool winds was blowing every morning. On two mornings, i woke up early and decided to step into the garden area to do some Chi gong. The wind on my face and time to myself..... what more can i ask for..

I was observing the trees moving with the wind and remembered what the trees were like the day before when the air was still and the trees did not move. As I observe the trees, I pondered that:-

a. Trees accepts where they are at --- I have not seen a tree running away from its spot . Ha ha. So trees accepts whatever weather that they face... ah.. so not like me... too hot or too cold cannot tahan !!!
When the wind blows, the trees just follow the direction of the tree without judgement..... this to me is like being open to whatever without resisting or holding on..... again I've not seen a tree that put up a fist fight with the wind.. ha ha ..

b. Tree are equanimous  in that they do not make such a fanfare when they grow a new branch or fruit.....not do they laments when someone chops off or trims their branches..... I have not seen a tree do the jiggle nor cry .... : D. In fact, they experience all this just as it is ..... so not like me who wish to let people know when i succeed at something and try not to let people know when i fail. Loose face mah !!

c. Trees accept their size and shape as it is ...... I was seeing that trees comes in various sizes and shapes and I've not seen the trees going for Cosmetic Surgery : D ......So not like me who wish for a flatter tummy, nicer skin etc ... Even if the tree bark looks terrible  (this is my interpretation only because others may see it as beautiful) with scratch marks or damaged bark, i do not see it hiding behind another tree or trying to cover the damaged part.

So much learning from trees that I felt really humbled by what they are teaching me just by being themselves. Accepting what is as is !!

Remembering The Past

Its Chinese New Year in another 2 days. As a married woman now, I have followed my husband back to his hometown to celebrate CNY there. During the journey to Melaka, I could see my mind reminiscing of CNY past. I remembered spending many years from childhood till I was in my mid thirties going back to my father's hometown in Perak. There all my uncles, aunties and cousins gather to have a reunion dinner that would take up 2 big tables.There were much laughter and fun and growing up in this environment made me appreciate family very much.

As the years go by, when everyone starts to grow up, get married and grow older, the reunion dinners members start to dwindle with some away to studies, married off etc. This year only 2 uncles will be having the reunion dinner at the hometown with just one of my cousin brother and his wife. In total, i think there will be just 6 persons compared to the 20+ people in the past. Thinking of this brings sadness to my heart. In my own family, my brothers will be having a reunion dinner at home with all my nieces and nephew. I can just imagine the noise and camaraderie that is going to happen tomorrow night when mom cooks up a storm.

While pondering all this, i guess things change but i so want them to be the same eventhough i am constantly changing. Why do i want them to be the same ??? The answer i have is that I'm afraid to experience feelings that i deem unpleasant when things changes. In other words, i'm afraid my heart will break or I cannot handle the changes. Of course, i can put up a brave front and say its ok

But for today, i choose to let those feelings come and I also choose to feel them to their fullest giving me a chance to be acquainted with them instead of pushing them away or avoiding them. I will not be able to stop changes from happening but i can be present to them. I can see how the feelings change. The gift I'm giving myself this CNY is the knowing that the past is over, the future is yet to come, the present is all i have.

Ignorance is bliss ??

I have always heard the saying like "Ignorance is Bliss", " Don't know, don't care", "What you don't know won't hurt you" and wondered how far all these statements are true.

I reflected that over the last few months, I went to Terry for some Dorn Therapy for my recurring shoulder pain. From this therapy, he highlighted to me that the way i stand was not correct resulting in a concave type of posture that stresses the shoulders, neck and also head. After I gained this information, I'm constantly mindful of how my body still tends to go back to the old way of standing and sitting. With mindfulness, I correct my posture constantly and also check the way i sit and stand. I still need to work on it but am happy to notice that the shoulder pain has not occured for a few months and my shoulders no longer concave. So if ignorance is bliss, then i would have treated all the pain and discomfort by taking pain killers and thinks that its the only way.

Recently, i also notice my breathing patterns more and started to notice how i tend to breath shallowly when I'm in a "kan cheong" mode. With this too, I'm more aware of how to put the body in a more relaxed mode.

My meditation teacher has also highlighted to me in the recent retreat of the need not only be aware of what is happening in the body and mind but also to use intellingence to identify the idea that is behind certain action and thought patterns. With this, I'm less likely to push things that i do not like away or ignore it. Because ignoring and pushing unpleasant things away, just means I'm giving energy to it.  Now if ignorance is bliss, I would not only be at the mercy of my thoughts and feelings but also blame the outside world for all my unhappiness .Then the idea that I'm a helpless victim would have been nailed into my belief system.

So.....as Lai fun shared with me.... ignorance gives short term gain but long term loss. Mindfulness gives long term gain.

Chinese New Year Preparation

Chinese New Year is just around the corner and personally have been busy helping my mom make some preparation like buying stuff, decorating the house, changing new notes, getting her to the hair saloon for hair perming. In the midst of helping mom, i also had to get things done on my side to prepare gifts and stuff. During the whirlwind.... I so often check the state of the mind that I have when I go around.

Sometimes the mental state is rushed and stressed out. When this happens, i also notice that my breathing becomes very shallow. This in turn creates more stress and worry. In a very curious way, i was seeing how when i breath shallowly, i create more suffering. How did i come to be mindful of this ?? This I have to thank Sifu Hoh who i met over last weekend Dynamic retreat that i organised. Being a Chi Gong master, he observed that i do not have much "chi" resulting in me feeling fatigue very easily. His reminder of how shallow breathing is a norm for people who are rushing and this becomes a habit that we repeat when we sleep. No wonder I wake up feeling tired.

So with this new information, I start to observe the way i breath and whenever i catch myself breathing shallowly, i mindfully take a deep breath and breath out slowly through the mouth.
True enough, as i catch myself breathing shallowly and i take deep breaths, i do not experience so much tiredness throughout the day.