Distancing of Self from Others

A bunch of my friends started to do fasting recently and it seems that I was not jumping into the bandwagon. At first I thought it was funny that I was not enthusiastic to jump on but I allowed myself the space to see what was happening. Was is fear ? Was it defiance ? After letting the feeling simmer for awhile, it was clear that it was not time for me to embark on this journey.

I could sense it was a time to journey alone for awhile at least, doing something different from the group who I've been doing so many things together for the last 3 years. I felt strange and one evening I observed a strong sense of loneliness and desolatedness and the mind gathered evidence that my phone was not ringing, no one called met etc.....I saw thru this evidence gathering activity of the mind and also observed the mind drawing a conclusion that I'm no longer belong. When the mind drew the conclusion, my whole world became smaller.

I realised that for many people, when things change in a group that they belong to or when they start to do other things which the group is not doing or vice versa, they start to distance themselves from the group because it is seen that their specialness in the group is no longer there. As time goes by if this thought is not investigated, the person will start to avoid the group all together. This will further perpetuate the distance and minimise the chance of ever having a relationship with the group. After some time, it would seem that there is no point to establish anymore contact with the group because we perceive we are left so far behind in the development of the group, we will no longer be comfortable in the group. All these are based on fear of rejection and also not wanting to be vulnerable.

On the other hand also, if none of the group members takes the time to establish connection with this person, then all is lost.I observed this happening with my friends from Secondary school when we get together during CNY .For most times, I don't know what they are talking about. Its very easy to withdraw into my own shell.

BUT is the distancing real ? Its real in our mind, and because its real in our mind, then is is created in our world making us believe in it. As long as the thought or idea exist in the mind, there will always be a distance. Who would I be without the thought that I'm lonely and people are distancing from me? I would be someone who will be excited and thrilled to see what unfolds when I journey alone. Looking to learn from what I am experiencing. There will be no loneliness.